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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25395760">Speak Louder</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/missatari/pseuds/missatari'>missatari</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Brief Smut, Dorks in Love, Happy Ending, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mute Axel, Not Beta Read, Roxas and Sora Are Twins (Kingdom Hearts), Roxas is kinda shallow, Selectively mute, mentions of Riku - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:01:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25395760</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/missatari/pseuds/missatari</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roxas has to look past a shallow desire to see that everything he wants is standing right in front of him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Speak Louder</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i wrote this for akuroku day years ago and even then i didn't like it too much, so i hope it translate well being brought over here. also, i haven't written smut or any type of anything in years, so rewriting that was kind of hard and if it sucks, thats why. haha.</p>
<p>if you've ever used or read anything on ffnet and this story seems familiar its because i'm rewriting and reworking my stories to bring over here. i apologize for any confusion.</p>
<p>i don't have a beta. i edit my own stories, so all errors are my own.</p>
<p>i hope you enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Soft mewls of desperation offset the quiet atmosphere, colliding with lust and the thin red lines etched into the older male's back. Arching into the soft touches fluttering against his side, he lolled his head back, mouth open and eyes wide. A whimper escaped his swollen lips and reeled in Axel, who was conveniently settled between Roxas' legs, grinding their erections together.</p>
<p>Axel pushed his body up until he was sitting on his knees, a hand sliding into Roxas' open palm above his head, their fingers entwining. Green eyes traced the outline of the body beneath him that was covered in a sheen of sweat and breathing heavily. With naturally spiked golden hair sticking to the side of his face, Roxas' eyes gave Axel a once over, stopping at his face as a light blushed danced across the bridge of his nose.</p>
<p>Roxas was more beautiful now than he'd ever been before (not that he wasn't beautiful all the time, but this was different), and Axel sought to burn this imagine into his brain, afraid that when he woke up in the morning it would all be a dream. A cold, evil trick of his mind. Axel couldn't remember a time when he wanted something so badly that it hurt. He was almost certain that Roxas hadn't either.</p>
<p>"A-Axel," the blond moaned, gripping the blanket under him for purchase as Axel slid into his body. It was tight, warm — it was wonderful.</p>
<p>Axel's slick torso slid along Roxas, creating a synchronized rhythm of shallow thrusts and needy sounds. Axel was panting, his head lowered and each wisp of breath dancing over Roxas' lips. Axel opened his eyes, green catching blue as love flashed through Roxas' eyes. Axel could have sworn that he felt his heart swell so much that it was pushing against his rib cage; it hurt in ways that made Axel feel alive.</p>
<p>Roxas smiled up at him, wrapping his arms around Axel's neck as he brought their bodies closer. "Nn, f-fu- Axel!"</p>
<p>Axel captured his moans with a series of chaste kisses sporadically placed against Roxas' lips, increasing his speed the slightest bit and trying with all his might to keep his release at bay. It was only a matter of time before he lost control. Axel wanted to keep going for as long as he possibly could, but Roxas' legs wrapped around his waist and pulling him in deeper weren't helping his cause at all.</p>
<p>His hair fell around his shoulders, covering his eyes and shielding him from the love of his life beneath him. A gentle smile played on his lips as he felt Roxas swipe a hand across his forehead, pushing the lose strands of hair away so that the blond could look at him as they came together. Axel sharply angled himself, pushed deeper than he had before and collapsed on top of him as his seed spilled inside Roxas, a single phrase tiptoeing on his tongue as Roxas arched into him as his own orgasm rocked through him.</p>
<p>They lay together, one on top of the other, basking in the moonlight shining in from the open window above the bed. Roxas kissed his forehead, letting his arms drop down beside him as the redhead pulled out of him. He winced — the feeling of being empty overwhelming his senses as Axel rolled over to lie next to him, facing the younger man and smiling brilliantly.</p>
<p>"I love you," Roxas whispered, rolling over so that he was cuddled against Axel's side, a hand resting over Axel's heart as sleep took over.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>- X -</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"No," Roxas reiterated.</p>
<p>"Bu-"</p>
<p>"There's nothing going on between us and there never will be," he lied, thinking back on the time they've spent together — thinking back on the amount of love that surrounded them.</p>
<p>Sora, bewildered and in awe, tilted his head at his brother's confession. It struck him like a pick on a guitar, strumming the wrong note and ruining the song. He'd been wrong, according to Roxas. The entire time his assumptions were incorrect. Sora was, at one point, more than certain that Roxas had finally opened up to Axel, allowing him closer to his heart. They'd become inseparable throughout the last few months, and Sora could've sworn on more than several occasions that their best friend relationship had been kicked up a notch. Because, really, who cuddled with their best friend at any given chance? Who held hands with their friend just because they could? Sora had questions.</p>
<p>"Why not?" Sora inquired.</p>
<p>"Because... I just... trust me on this," the blond said.</p>
<p>"It doesn't make sense, though. Roxas, you guys are perfect together!" the younger twin exclaimed, a small smile on his face as he spoke his mind. Roxas frowned at Sora's words.</p>
<p>Roxas sighed, collecting his thoughts. "You really want to know?"</p>
<p>A quick nod was given to him as a silent affirmation. Inhaling heavily, Roxas crossed his arms over his chest, blue eyes nervously looking around the room for something to concentrate on so that he wouldn't have to look at his brother.</p>
<p>If this would have been any other time then he wouldn't have a problem confiding in the brunet, but after the night he'd spent with Axel it was something he really didn't want to talk about. Roxas hated the idea of bottling everything up, but he hated spilling his secrets even more. He couldn't possibly tell Sora that he slept with the fiery redhead the night before or that he'd confessed to him. But, this wasn't any other time, it was now and Sora was waiting for an answer. An honest, open answer.</p>
<p>"Okay..." Roxas drawled, light blue eyes meeting Sora's darker blue.</p>
<p>"It's because... he doesn't talk," Roxas whispered, his head hung low in shame at the superficial confession.</p>
<p>"What?" Sora gawked, eyes widening in astonishment.</p>
<p>"Yeah," he confirmed. "Sora, please don't tell him that."</p>
<p>The brunet wasn't sure how he was supposed to react to something so trivial. He blinked, opening his mouth and closing it before speaking. "That hasn't stopped you guys from becoming friends. He's your best friend, Roxas."</p>
<p>Roxas couldn't respond — he didn't know how to when Sora was right.</p>
<p>"Why would that be a problem?" Sora asked incredulously.</p>
<p>"..."</p>
<p>"Look, Roxas. You mean the absolute world to him and I'm pretty sure that he's your world, too. I see the way you look at him. Don't think I've missed that," Sora said, nodding to himself. "And it isn't like he can't talk, he just doesn't want to. There's a difference."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," Roxas told him, apologizing. "But, it's the truth and I can't change that, y'know."</p>
<p>Sora shook his head in response.</p>
<p>"I know it's wrong," Roxas started. Boy, did he know. "Maybe if he could speak or would then I could be with him, but he won't and I can't do it. He doesn't fucking talk, Sora. I know he used to before I met him, but that's changed and he doesn't now."</p>
<p>Roxas' chest heaved as he tried to steady his breathing, anger bubbling under his skin as he tried to defend himself. He had nothing to prove to him, just like he had nothing to gain from telling him. Roxas knew that he was setting himself up for disappointment, but to the extent of having his bother so mad at him? Roxas hadn't considered that he'd be angry on behalf of Axel. He honestly hoped that Sora would've understood his plight.</p>
<p>"You have no idea how it is. Can you imagine you relationship with Riku if he didn't talk? I'm pretty sure you'd feel the same way, Sora!" he practically yelled, trying to keep his voice from getting too loud as not to disturb Axel as he slept in his room — in his bed.</p>
<p>A heavy silence fell over them, and Sora thought about Roxas' question and accusation. Would he really treat Riku differently? Would he seriously consider the status of their relationship if he wasn't able to hear Riku's voice on a daily basis? And, anyways, why did that matter? This was about his brother and Axel, not him and Riku.</p>
<p>"I'd still love him," Sora said. "Roxas, Axel loves you. He loves you more than anything in this entire world, and you're just going to give up on him because of minor disability? What happened to the Roxas that I know? Y'know, the one that would look past that."</p>
<p>"He isn't here anymore."</p>
<p>"Obviously," Sora deadpanned.</p>
<p>Sora was disgusted with him, he knew, but he couldn't change the way he felt. He tried and he failed. Roxas hated it more than anything because the way he felt for Axel was deeper than anything he'd ever felt before.</p>
<p>"... I'll never get to hear him tell me he loves me back," Roxas choked out, his voice riddled with pain as he told Sora the real reason. "I'll never get to hear those words, Sora. You don't understand..."</p>
<p>Roxas stood with his fingers digging into his clothed sides, his chin tucked down, and his sun kissed spikes hiding his eyes from the pity in Sora's eyes. His body noticeably shook and he had to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill as he admitted to Sora that he loved Axel.</p>
<p>"Oh, Rox..." Sora joined Roxas, his arms sliding around his waist as he held his brother close.</p>
<p>"I hate it." Roxas muttered, arms limp at his side, while he buried his face against the white t-shirt that Sora was wearing.</p>
<p>"It's okay," the brunet cooed.</p>
<p>"It isn't okay. It's fucked up, Sora. What if he found out?" Roxas asked, sniffling.</p>
<p>"He won't." Sora said. "I promise."</p>
<p>Roxas nodded slowly, allowing several tears to slip from his eyes as he relied on Sora for any semblance of strength. It wasn't that he didn't want to be with Axel, because he did — that was the only he wanted. He yearned for it. He dreamed about it.</p>
<p>About being wrapped up in Axel's arms, warm and secure. About telling him his feelings for the first time and hoping that it wouldn't be last. About giving all of himself to Axel in return for every ounce of love that Axel could offer. Roxas dreamed about sharing many memories with him and looking forward to their future together.</p>
<p>Only, dreams were dreams and they wouldn't actually happen because Roxas was scared.</p>
<p>Roxas was afraid of not hearing Axel speak those three words. The blond was afraid that never being told him that Axel loved him would end their relationship; either by his own accord because of his obsession with verbally being told that he was loved or by Axel's frustration over not being able to tell Roxas what he wanted. Where would they be then? They'd be back at the beginning.</p>
<p>They'd be at a point where they would have to try to be cordial with one another for the sake of those they shared, for the sake of the friends they'd made between them. Roxas didn't know if he could ever go back to just being friends with Axel after having him.</p>
<p>Roxas truly hated himself in that moment as Sora continued to comfort him, rubbing small circles into his back as he rocked them gently.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>- X -</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Silently hidden around the corner from the living room, Axel listened to the hushed conversation between them, his ears picking up on the heartbreak that spilled from Roxas as he cried on Sora's shoulder. Anger boiled in the pit of his stomach and, for the first time since meeting the blond, Axel felt like he'd been betrayed. Roxas wouldn't be with him because of his refusal to speak? Even after all that they'd been through and after the night that had brought them together in ways that Axel couldn't have ever imagined? It was absurd.</p>
<p>Tightly shutting his eyes, the redhead pushed himself away from the wall. It wasn't exactly his fault that he couldn't speak, voluntarily or not. He had been waiting for Sora to leave so that he could finally embrace Roxas and confide in him all of the things that he'd been thinking about over the past few months — when they started to get more intimate. He was ready to tell Roxas that he could, in fact, still talk.</p>
<p>Axel thought that keeping his mouth shut was a way of showing the world that he obeyed and that he was no longer a 'bad boy', as his father called him on many occasions during his childhood and teenage years. And now, after finally deciding that he trusted Roxas enough to talk to him — after he fought with himself over whether or not to tell the blond his secrets — Roxas pulls a stunt like this and completely shatters him.</p>
<p>He could literally feel his heart fall from his chest and he could hear it break like glass against the carpeted floor. It sounded strange and oh-so familiar at the same time. Axel had felt the exact same way when his father forced himself onto the redhead; when his own flesh and blood took from Axel, knowing that he was doing something sick, twisted and downright disgusting. Axel lost a part of himself that night, he lost his innocence, but he hadn't lost his will to love.</p>
<p>Roxas had given him hope a month after they'd met at a party on the beach — it had been at Riku's birthday party, to be exact.</p>
<p>It was a surreal moment for him as he sat with Roxas between his outstretched legs, their fingers interlaced and Roxas' head resting back against his chest. It was in that moment that the redhead knew that he'd found what he'd been searching for since his father hurt him, and he wasn't willing to let it go. Not now. Not ever.</p>
<p>"Roxas, it's going to be okay."</p>
<p>Axel could hear Sora's attempts to calm the blond down. It was working, albeit slowly. He just hoped that Sora would be able to keep Roxas from going off the deep end as he took the turn around the corner and into the living room, staring directly at the brunet's back. His sluggish movements didn't unnoticed as Roxas lifted his head slightly from Sora's shoulder to look at him. Blue met green, and another round of tears began to stream down Roxas' cheeks.</p>
<p>Axel stood with his hands in his pants pockets and his head cocked to the side, a fragile smile placed on his lips as he tore his eyes away from Roxas. He licked his lips; it was now or never.</p>
<p>"I love you, too, Roxas." Axel spoke with confidence, his voice quiet and cracking after days of practicing his confession and years of not being used.</p>
<p>Sora froze, dropping his hands from Roxas and stepping to the side so that Roxas could have easier access to Axel, who was standing in front of the door. The hurt underlying Axel's voice was easily picked up as Roxas looked at Axel like he was the only thing that mattered. Sora watched Roxas' expression change from pain over realizing he'd never get to hear Axel's voice to surprise because Axel spoke — because he got to hear Axel's voice. The final expression Roxas wore was one of guilt, regret and disgust at himself for being so selfish to want from Axel, but not give him anything.</p>
<p>Roxas took a single step toward him, but a raised hand from the redhead had him coming to a stop. He was forced to watch as Axel turned his back on him. Roxas' chest hurt as a sob started to work its way up his through his chest, his fingers digging into his palms as he tried to keep himself from falling to his knees as his one chance at happiness walked out the door. He messed up.</p>
<p>Everything they'd built up to that point was over. This was it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>- X -</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sora wasn't sure how long Roxas stood there after Axel left with tears in his eyes and his heart on his sleeve, but there was one thing that he was sure of — Roxas was happier than he'd ever been in his life with Axel. It was such a shame that Roxas had been to the one to ruin things and make the choice to let Axel walk away.</p>
<p>An hour passed, then two and, before either twin knew it, the sun was setting behind grey storm clouds. Thunder could be heard from a distance, clapping for an encore of lightning that flashed through the sky. The rain was starting to come down in hard pelts against the roof, rolling like marbles into the drains.</p>
<p>"Axel," Roxas said, knowing that he hated storms and getting wet. He also knew that Axel liked to walked aimlessly around when he was upset, claiming it helped clear his head. The scenario that presented itself to Roxas wasn't a good one and, despite the drastic time lapse between Axel leaving and the storm coming, Roxas knew he had to find him.</p>
<p>The blond decided to leave without telling Sora, as he had gone to his room the moment Riku came over. They were busy, so his disappearance wouldn't phase them in the slightest. Well, that was unless they came looking for him, which he doubted they would do. At least, Roxas hoped that they wouldn't try to find him because he needed to do this alone.</p>
<p>With his back facing the door, he pushed his way out of the house and onto the front porch to be greeted by a round of thunder and an onslaught of wind and rain. It stung, but he didn't care. Instead, he turned to walk down the steps in search of his (maybe) best friend. </p>
<p>With a start, Roxas jumped before he could even reach the top step. "Axel?" Roxas called as he noticed a figure sitting on the steps of the porch.</p>
<p>"Roxas..." his voice was soft. It was clear in the way that he said his name that Axel had been crying.</p>
<p>"Oh God, Axel." Roxas sighed, relieved. "The storm, you out here... fuck, I came looking for you."</p>
<p>"Never left," the redhead told him as he lifted his head to look at Roxas, who had taken the liberty to move so that he stood beside his seated form. Axel's bright eyes, full of tears, were haunting and mesmerizing as they looked at each other. Roxas could drown in his eyes.</p>
<p>"Roxas," he whispered, the corners of his lips pulling up, despite his attempts to keep himself from smiling. Roxas had come for him.</p>
<p>Axel stood, facing the blond. Roxas took the opportunity to throw his resolve away as he slid his arms around Axel, looking up at the redhead with an apology on his lips. The redhead shook his head as he wrapped his arms around Roxas to return the embrace. Axel leaned down and softly pressed his lips to Roxas' own, a silent way of telling Roxas that he forgave him and he loved him.</p>
<p>Roxas pulled back, realizing with a squeeze from Axel that it didn't matter if the redhead didn't want to speak because actions spoke louder than words and Axel had already shown him a lifetime of love.</p>
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